Back on Track
by Bottle Pop
Summary: After being catatonic, Bella wakes up and gets her life back on track with the help of her new friend Mina who introduces her to a life she didn't know existed. Mentions drugs, sex, alcohol, and cutting.BXE A bit OOC. Takes place after Edward leaves in NM
1. Back on track

**Disclaimer- Ms. Meyer owns all things Twilight and this is the only time I'll write out this disclaimer**

_Chapter 1- Back on Track_

It has been about two weeks since that _jackass_ left me. I'll admit it was hard to start over. Mike, Jessica, Eric and Tyler introduced me to partying, but then avoided me like the plague saying that I was so catatonic that they couldn't have any fun with me. So I isolated myself, being rejected a second time sort of takes a toll on a person. That was until Mina came to the small town of Forks; bringing with her the life of drugs, alcohol, cutting, and anorexia.

_Flashback_

As I got out of the driver's side in my old Chevy, some chick parked her mustang next to me. The girl was sporting a blue and black plaid mini skirt with a black cardigan the rose high enough to see her navel piercing and wore black knee high boots. She played up her eyes with lots of mascara and had her hair up in a pony tail. I just stood there gaping at the girl brave enough to dress like _that_ at Forks High, the town of fake tits and bleach blonde hair.

"Hi," she turned to me.

"Um… hello?" I replied, not quite sure what to expect.

"My name is Mina Blackwell. Can you show me around?" Mina said. I nodded and inquired about her classes, parents, the basic stuff. Turns out her parents are big wigs at some company and they moved to overlook some new building they opened up in Seattle, so she had _loads_ of money.

We eventually made our way to the football field out back and she took out a joint and a pack of cigarettes from her tote bag.

"Smoke and toke break. Want a hit?" she asked very straight forward. Mina smiled but didn't pressure me as she waited patiently. I didn't know what to do, _he_ would not want me to resort to drugs, _he_ wouldn't want me to be friends with Mina, _he_ probably wouldn't want me to do anything fun. Seeing that this could be my one way ticket out of this hell-hole town and my fucked up life I said, "Sure."

_End of flashback_

That was the day I met Mina and my first time with drugs. Mina and I became inseparable, I slept over at her house at least three times a week and we hosted a party at her house every Friday so we could score some more shit from the residents of Forks.

Today was Friday.

I headed back to the living room with a bottle of Vodka in each hand.

"… sorry I would love to accompany you to the bedroom, but I'm a lesbian." Mina said with a completely straight face. Then she added when she saw me, "And here is my lover now!"

Her hand traveled up my arms and she whispered in my ear, "Play along and then we can ditch these losers."

"Mina, love, you know I've been thinking all day about the way you… Oh, I'm sorry I didn't see you there." I said looking at the stranger. "Come with me upstairs will you?" I dragged Mina behind me anxious to get my fix.

"Pick your poison! We have two lines over here, several joints over there, a couple of pills in the bag, and your choice of alcohol to wash it all down." She says as we walk through the door to her bedroom. Then she gets out the razor to get another two lines ready for her own private party.

I stare at Mina while she takes the dollar bill and snorts the first line of cocaine like a pro. I don't do some of the drugs she does, like meth or cocaine. But damn it I did everything else.

Damien comes in five minutes later bursting through the door with a, "What up hoes! Ready to get this party started? I brought your favorite Bella, a dozen musical Xs." I cracked up for no apparent reason. Damien is our dealer and he never failed us before, I don't know why I thought he would start now.

"Are you bullshitting me? " I scream and jump him as he comes in, "Don't fuck with me about my X." I stare him down looking him directly in the eyes.

All he does is give me this shit-eating grin and bring out a baggy. I instantly take it from him and down two of the white wonders with some Grey Goose.

As I waited for the high to kick in, I thought back to why I do this stuff in the first place. Ever since _he_ left, I've been waking up in the middle of the night screaming from memories of _him_ and the night he took away my family and my reason for being. When I noticed that slashing my wrists didn't have the same effect, I started with doing drugs. Now, I just don't give a flying fuck what happens.

I came out of my reverie as I felt the high. I leaned on the bed and stood still, just waiting for the room to stop spinning so fast and my vision to not be so… blurry. This type of E had more acid, so I was usually left more trippy that horny. As my senses renewed themselves, I made my way over to the dresser by the door with the bag of pills.

"Mina, what's in the bag?" I asked, not really caring because I knew I'd take it anyways.

"You remember JJ, the one who works in the pharmacy? Well, I went to refill my prescriptions and I saw him sneaking some stuff and told him that if I could have some, no one would find out what he did. So he hands me this bag. So I turn to him and I'm like 'what the hell is this?' and he says 'ephedrine and hydrocodone.' Then I give him a kiss on the cheek and say 'thank you.'" She laughed, probably recalling something she didn't mention.

My witty comment to her story was, "Ahh." I decided that taking two random pills from the bag would probably ensure me a good enough high. I grab the bottle of Jack Daniels, fully knowing that it's dangerous to take pills with alcohol and pop the two in my mouth.

I had to grab a hold of something when I felt the intended effect. I slowly sank to the ground against wall when I started spinning again. I shake and I shiver and then I close my eyes as everything in the room blends together.


	2. Moving?

Chapter 2-

"Bella…? Bella!" My eyes flutter open and I took in everything around me. My head is throbbing and I lay still for a minute or so. In front of me stands Mina with a relieved look in her eye.

"Oh Bella, thank God you didn't OD. I thought I had lost you! I love you like the sister I never had. Bella please don't leave me, you're everything I have." Mina said and I could tell she is getting all teary eyed when her voice cracked.

"Don't worry; I don't plan on going anywhere right now." I whispered hoarsely, knowing how horrible it feels to have someone you care about leave you.

Mina comes up on the bed and lies next to me. I think back to last night's events and try to remember what happened as Mina holds me close to her. I can't help but smile as I think of how protective Mina is of me.

…

"You know," I turn to her with a seemingly innocent smile and say, "you should go to JJ for stuff more often. That was some pretty good shit last night." She just silently nods her head as a reply. I stare at her heart shaped face; she looks like she was thinking deeply about something.

"Bella, we have to talk." I tense up at her words and avoid showing any emotion. She continues; not noticing my stiff reaction to her words, "My parents are going to New York for a month or so to work. We have a house in New Hampshire, but I think they are just going to commute the rest of the way or stay in a separate apartment. I'll be staying at the house in New Hampshire during that time period." She pauses again to look at me. I feel that gaping hole in my chest reopen and I am sure she could see the obvious pain in my eyes.

"I meant what I said about not leaving you; I want you to come with me. I told Charlie that you were staying till Sunday so you can have some time to think. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Also, know that we'll be back in a month if you decide you don't to go." Mina looks at me with a soft, pleading look.

I was contemplating what she just said. I don't think I could handle leaving Mina. She is the one who pieced me back together when _he_ tore me to shreds. _I don't want to fall apart again._ I admit to myself

My face brightens up as this great big smile makes itself present. "Mina, I am going. I don't even need to think about it. I want to go. I've never been to New York or New Hampshire. Think of all the parties!" I do a little spin, but suddenly something stops me.

"What about school? I don't really give a damn about Charlie; he can take care of himself. But I do want to keep up with school." I asked suddenly worried about how I would be able to graduate.

"No worries, I signed us up for a transfer to this small town school." I sighed as she admitted she had already set everything up.

One thing I love about Mina is that she is always prepared. Sure we may do drugs and drink till we puke, but we are smart. She plans on going to college and we both keep up our grades. Mina wants to be a big time CEO of her parents' company and I just plan on graduating and then surviving (with a little help from my 'friends')

"Alrighty then, LET'S PARTY!" Mina shrieks once we were finished going through the details of our trip.

"Aim for something sophisticated. It's a 21 and over club, so don't forget your fake ID and show some skin why don't cha." Mina says teasingly as she tosses a tunic at me.

I settle for a short skirt, simple print top, a pair of heels, and a Christian Louboutin clutch since I didn't know what to expect from this club. Mina decides on borrowing one of her mum's dresses and pairing it with green heels and a clutch. And we never forget to put on nice lingerie, because you never know what might happen. Then we sit in front of her vanity deciding what to do with our hair and make-up.

Since nowadays I actually like make-up, high heels, and shopping; I know what I'm doing when it comes to styling myself. I end up doing a dramatic smoky eye with a subtle red stain on the lips. Mina does the opposite; she pairs bright pink, glossy lips with simplistic eyes.

We grab our coats and head out to her candy apple red mustang. And I have this feeling that our adventure is going to be the beginning to a new Bella.

**AN****-So? What do you think so far? I know its short and it's not that great, but I wanted Bella to have more personality and this is my way of doing it. Anyways, while I was writing, I thought about these lyrics. **

**So baby keep my heart beat b'beat beat beating.  
She's the soul reason I keep believing, that were going  
to die like this you know, oh oh oh. **


	3. Encore

Chapter 3- Encore

Mina pops in her i-pod and plays the 'Girls Night' playlist. I take out a cigarette and light up.

_Boys call you sexy and you don't care what they say_

The music begins and I start singing along with the tunes as Mina stops at a redlight. I grab an X from my purse and down it dry. I'm already in a mood to party. I look over to Mina and wait for her to sing the first verse.

_Now I got a confession_

_When I was young I wanted attention_

_And I promised myself that I'd do anything_

_Anything at all for them to notice me_

I knew how desperately Mina wanted her parents to pay attention to her. They didn't even recognize her existence until they realized an 'ideal family image' gets more investors interested. A lot of the songs on her i-pod had a lot more meaning to them than we led on.

I handed Mina a joint from the glove compartment. If we weren't careful with how we dealt and handled the drugs, we would get in so much trouble with the law. We didn't even try to hide it, because we never got into serious trouble.

_Flashback_

"Miss, could you hand me your license and registration please?" an officer asked Mina. I was in the passenger seat completely wasted and thoroughly high. Mina handed him the stuff and he says, "Could you ladies please step out of the car."

I knew for a fact that Mina was also plastered and that her parents would disinherit her if she caused any bad publicity. So she steps out of the car motioning me to stay put and wraps her arms around the officer.

She leans close to him and whispers something in his ear. He blushes redder than Mina's lipstick, stands there and nods. Mina steps back into the car and whispers fiercely, "Bella I need you to follow my lead and take the front. Keep him distracted!"

We both stepped out and followed him to his cruiser. I smirk at him and push him against his car. I kiss him deeply and nibble his luscious bottom lip. I drag my hands down his chest and play with the belt loops on his jeans.

Mina grabs my wrist and I flinch slightly, though no one notices, and I turn around anyways. She takes my place kissing him and instead pins his arms over his head. I hold back a chuckle as I figure out what she is her plan is.

I come up behind him and start sucking on his neck, my hands successfully removing the handcuffs from his belt. I hooked one part of the handcuff to the door of the car and the other I left for Mina to use. My hands once again made their way to his deliciously sculpted abs while Mina dragged one of his hands down her chest.

When the hand was dangerously close to her nether regions, I heard the click of the hand cuff on the officer's hand. I undid his tie and used it to blindfold him. I heard him mutter something along the lines of 'kinky.'

I motioned with my head to the cop car to warn Mina where I was going. Once I got in I used the radio and said in a fake voice, "So you like, take advantage of like, those poor girls and then just like, leave them there! That's just like, terrible." Then I muffled my voice and took it down a couple octaves, "And that's exactly what's gonna happen to you babe if you're not cooperative." I heard a couple of gasps on the other side of the radio and then shut it off.

God, Mina and I are so bad ass. I got out of the car motioned to Mina for us to leave. We just left the copper there; blindfolded, handcuffed to his car, and with his pants down.

_End of Flashback_

When I came back to the present, I noticed Mina pulling up to the club's parking lot.

A giant line formed outside the club with a hefty man standing by the door. I didn't have the patience to wait in line, so I took off my jacket and put on what I hope was a sexy smile.

"I was sort of hoping you could let us skip this big line and let us in please." I made my pout even more pronounced and saw his eyes flicker to my lips. I slowly lick my lips to persuade the man a bit more.

All of a sudden, Mina presses herself up to the bouncer and whispers her signature remark in the man's ear. Like the rest of them, the man blushes and unhooks the rope to let us in.

…

Inside of the club was hot, in all senses of the word. There was plush velvet seating and loud music pumping through the speakers. At that point I was really glad that Mina had us dress more sophisticated. The club was much more mature than the others around town.

I raked my eyes hungrily through the crowd of people to see if there was anybody who might have something I wanted. I spotted this crowd of girls 'discretely' slipping pills into their mouths. I made my way over, completely ditching Mina, and introduced myself.

"I'm Tiffany and this is Kayla, Jewel, and Mimi." I stared at the valley girl wannabes. All of the girls were exactly alike; they were all blondes with fake tits who wore too much make-up and too tight of clothing.

"Mm hm. So what is it that you're taking?" I got to the point as fast as possible.

"Oh, our drinks?" one of the girls asked nervously looking at a zip-lock bag peaking out of a tote bag.

"No, the pills that you just popped." I said. The girls looked at each other and then to Tiffany (who was apparently their leader). She thought for a while and then replied, "Prescriptions."

"You know, if you want the real deal, I have some X I'm willing to let you try. But it'll cost you." I told them. The clones just opened their eyes really wide and turned their heads to Tiffany simultaneously. _Creepy._

"How much?" I hear Tiffany's nasal voice. I smile to myself, knowing that I was about to completely rip theses girls off _and_ steal their stash.

I walk away feeling satisfied when one of the other girls stops me, "Do you have anything else?" I took a close look at this Barbie, I tell from her eyes that she was probably looking for some cocaine. That was Mina specialty.

I nod once and tell her to follow me. "By the way, I'm Jewel." The girl says quickly. I made my way up the stairs to the VIP section. I found Mina on some guy's lap with her head on his chest. Her eyes were droopy and she looked ready to pass out.

I turn to Jewel behind me and say very loudly, "Can you come with me to the bathroom?" My little comment earned me a couple stares and a very confused expression from Jewel. Mina, however, knew that that was our code for 'I need you for a drug deal.'

I heard Mina excuse herself and head to the bathroom. I told Jewel to go in the bathroom and ask Mina if she could 'borrow her lip gloss.' Another one of our codes.

…

Several hours later, I found myself driving a heavily intoxicated Mina back her house. I decided that tomorrow I would pack my bags and write Charlie a note telling him about the trip. It is surprising that my father, the chief of police, doesn't know that I do drugs. He is trained to see the signs of a drug user. Ha, shows how much he knows. But then again, everyone sees only what they want to see.

**AN****- Okay, if you have any suggestions, feel free to send them to me. The song at the beginning of the chapter is 'When I Grow Up' by the pussycat dolls.**


	4. Sunday Vacay

Chapter 4-Sunday Vacay

_Sunday morning rain is pouring-Steal some covers share some skin_

The alarm on Mina's i-pod goes off and so does my massive hangover. I sit up in bed and look to find Mina next to me. I stand up, careful to not wake her, and head to the kitchen to make us some coffee.

As I turn the corner, I'm surprised to see a very fashionable Mrs. Blackwell sitting on the kitchen island.

"Morning Regina," I say to her. She bows her head in acknowledgement. "Did Mina tell you I'm going with her to New Hampshire?" I look at her, not really expecting her to respond. But lucky me, Mrs. Blackwell chooses today to open her big mouth.

"You know the rules in my house; take cash up front and if you do anything bad, don't get caught. I like you Bella, so I'm being nice to you. But so help me if you draw any bad attention to my firms I will make sure you get your ass on the first plane home on coach." I nodded. I liked Regina because she knew how to use her connections to get to places… and she left her house completely at my disposal.

"Yes ma'am, thank for the housing and all that jazz that involves the trip to New Hampshire. Talk to you later Regina." I wave to her as I head back upstairs to Mina with her black coffee and Tylenol.

"Morning sleepy head. You okay? I have your coffee and Tylenol on the nightstand." I tell her gently, I know how bad it sucks to have someone yell for you in the morning when you have a headache. "I'm going to Charlie's to tell him the news and pack. I'll be back before noon."

"Bye Jelly Belly." She mutters and turns on her side.

…

As I pull up to my street, I see the cruiser parked in the driveway. _Good, this will make things easier._ I tell myself. I open the door to hear the soft snoring coming from Charlie's room. Trudging upstairs to pack my things, I take only the essentials; I know that Mina and I will probably go shopping in New Hampshire. I tear a piece of paper from one of my journals and write to Charlie.

_Mina and I are transferring to a school up north for awhile. The program ends in a month and her parents are coming with us. I'll be back before you know it._

_~Bella_

I make the note short and simple; including enough information to make Charlie feel a false sense of security, but not enough so that he can come and stop me. Quickly grabbing my bag, I head out to my truck.

The clouds are gray outside and I can't help but take it as an omen. Who knows what will happen in the next month. It's frustrating, trying to get your life back after it has been thoroughly smashed to smithereens. I don't know what will become of me once I graduate. Maybe I'll get a job bartending, because that lets you drink for free.

Once safely in the Blackwell's driveway, I let myself in. Surprise, surprise, Mina is still sleeping on her temperpedic. This time, I have no sympathy and jump mercilessly on her until she wakes up.

"Ahh! Okay I get it, I'm awake. So did everything go alright with your dad?" she asked. I nodded and asked her when we will leave. She just laughed and shook her head at me, "The flight is at 4pm, so we should get there by nightfall."

We showered and got dressed, choosing to skip breakfast once again. It's not that we avoid food because we think we're too fat or any of that junk, it's just that most of the time we're so wasted that we forget to eat. But now, we got so use to it that we don't eat anymore at all. Our diet nowadays consists of mostly alcohol and coffee.

As Mina tore down the highway I thought of a slight problem we might encounter. "Mina, how will we get around if we aren't taking any cars with us on the plane?" I looked at her in wonderment.

"Oh, Bella. We have cars at the other house. I think my mummy is going to surprise us with a shiny, new, black BMW; unless of course, you want your own car?" Mina gave me a sideways glance, completely serious as far as I could tell. I shook my head 'no' to answer her question. I couldn't impose such things from the person who had already done so much for me. So I turn up the music to avoid any further questioning and we stay in a comfortable silence the rest of the way to the airport.

…

"There you go Miss, enjoy your flight!" the overly peppy flight attendant said to me. I wave my hand in her general direction and make my way to the business class. I found my seat quickly, since Mina was already at hers. I move around until I get a good look out the window and I stare aimlessly at the sky.

While scanning the plane, I look to my right to find Mina opening a bottle of Ambien and asking the attendant for a glass of wine. "Mina! What do you think you are doing?" I turn my body completely to glare at Mina. She just gives me this look as if to say 'you know exactly what I am doing.' I shake her off and continue, "I meant how you got the pills on board? Isn't someone going to find out, we _are_ on a plane after al."

"Bella, I told the security I have a flying phobia. So the guard let me gave me permission to carry it and now here we are. Plus, by now you should know I have my ways." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Well, I hope you came ready to share." I smirk at her, realizing this would be a lost battle; that and the fact that if I have too much time to think, I'll start thinking of _him_ and cry. She holds up her finger to warn me one minute and makes a bee line for the bathroom.

It was obvious what she had done when she stepped out of the bathroom rubbing against the side of her nose. Mina then hands me the bottle and I take only one because I know that the flight is pretty short. Also, if I took too many, I'd be out like a light and I didn't want to wake up in Vancouver. Although I'm sure the Blackwell's probably have a house there too.

The flight attendant finally arrives with Mina's drink and I say, "Excuse me, but would you mind waking us when we get to New Hampshire?" The man nods and with that I motion for him to go away. I feel my eyes droop and I turn my head to Mina before I go unconsciousness. "G'night my bestie." I whisper to Mina. "Nighty night Jelly Belly," was the last thing I heard before I peacefully lost touch with reality.

**An****- So I hope you guys are enjoying this story. I didn't mean to make Bella out to be conceited, just fed up with the people around her. Also, she doesn't hate Charlie, just doesn't mind him much. Keep checking my polyvore page for the outfits in each chapter. Here's the song for this chapter when Bella and Mina were in the car:**

**We're driving slow  
Through the snow  
On fifth avenue  
And right now radio's  
All that we can hear  
Now we ain't talked since we left**

**It's so overdue**

**Its cold outside**

**But between us, it's worse in here**


	5. The Opera

**An****- Mina sings in bold. **_Bella sings in italics,__** they sing together if it's bold and italicized.**_

Chapter 5- The Opera

"Bella, wakey wakey! We have arrived in New Hampshire. C'mon, aren't you excited?" Mina all but screams directly in my ear.

"If you could give me a few seconds to answer I would tell you that I am indeed _very_ excited. In fact, the first thing I want to do is go celebrate our temporary move." I tell her while I retrieve my luggage from the overhead compartment. Mina just shakes her head vehemently and drags me out of the airplane.

"I have the perfect place to party at. There's this club just outside of town that I just love, although we do have school tomorrow. Ooh, I'll have to see if we can borrow my dad's Mercedes. It's pretty casual but at the same time the club calls for heels. So we'll have to wear jeans with…" I tuned out her rambling as we make our way through the airport security checks.

Dragging our luggage behind us, Mina and I make our way out of the airport to the curb outside. She calls out to a cabbie with a big whistle and motions him over to us. We help the driver load our luggage and then we make off to our new home for the next month.

…

"Holy mother of pearl, are all of your houses ginormous?" I ask Mina when we walk through the doors of her three-story manor.

"Nah, I think this one is Mummy's decorating project. So if it seems eccentric, it's because she has been testing out her interior decorating skills." Mina explains as I start to take in the crystal chandeliers and the Cinderella stairs. The entire house is overly glitzy, with red carpets going up the stairs and heavy satin curtains lining every window. The sight of the house made me think of my old best friend and how over the top she was. _God I miss Alice. Who am I kidding, I miss all of them; the hilarious Emmet, the compassionate Esme, the empathetic Jasper, the good doctor Carlisle, the completely pompous Rosalie, and even Edward. _

I flinched internally. That was the first in months that I referred to _him_ by name. God, I can feel that gaping wound in my chest reopen itself for what feels like the umpteenth time. I needed to move on. _I can't keep living with the false hope of loving again. He said he didn't want me. He didn't love me, that I am not good enough for him and his perfect fucking world._ I remind myself angrily. Mina takes in my appearance and looks at me wearily.

"Mina I promise you I'm fine."I say to her. _As if I still believe in promises. "_Let's get going shall we, I really ne… want a drink. You still have those pills JJ gave you right. We are going to rock the club tonight!" I shake off my previous thoughts with the hopes of letting it all fly away later tonight.

We talked idly while we chose what we were going to wear to the club. Both of us settled on dark-wash skinny jeans, tote bags, heels, and a blouse. I decided to stay true to Miu Miu and wear their purple metallic shoes, purple bag, and sunglasses. Mina said she wanted us to wear sunglasses to the club even though it was like 9:30pm.

When we get in the BMW, I notice Mina had opened her checked button down another two buttons to show her lacy Vicki's bra. But I don't get the time to think about it too hard because we once again hit the road and drown in the music.

…

The club's name was The Opera** (actual club, check it out online)**. There was this huge dance floor, a fully stocked bar on each side of the main room and a VIP balcony above the stage to the right. Right on top of the stage was the DJ booth who was playing the music for some amateur rapper who was currently doing a remix to 'Lollipop' by Lil' Wayne.

"You know what?" Mina starts, "We should get up there and sing. We are _so_ much better than that guy."

"I'll go along with it, but I'll need a little confidence booster my friend." I tell her. In response, Mina sneaks me two little pills and I take them with the drink I had ordered. Then she runs up to the DJ guy and all I see is him shaking his head when she tells him something, probably thinking that the person on stage was completely horrible and that we might just save his career.

Mina comes back down and we wait for the music to end. "Hey have I got a special treat for ya'll tonight. The fabulous Mina and Bella are going to sing for you guys right here, right now. Give it up for these super fly ladies!" I hear the emcee tell the crowd. Mina and I make our way to the center of the stage where some guy set up two microphones for us. I can't help but smile when I hear the music begin.

_I go ooh ooh you go _**ah ah**_**  
Lalalalalalalala**_  
_I can't  
Lalalalalalalala_

I scan the crowd with my eyes as they dance to the beat. As I glance up at the VIP section on the second floor balcony and am surprised to see a familiar black, spiky haired female smiling back at me.

_  
I wanna wanna wanna __**get get get**__ what I want  
__**Don't stop**__  
Give me give me give me what you __**got got**__  
Cause I can't __**wait wait wait**__ any __**more more more more**__  
Don't even talk about the consequence  
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me  
And I don't give a damn __**what they say, what they think think**__  
__**Cause you're the only one who's on my mind  
**__I'll never ever let you __**leave me  
**__I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye _(**bye bye bye**)_  
_

I look closer to find two more blonde people sitting behind her with a big burly man grinning his head off. When I look towards the stair case at the back of the club, I find the unkempt, messy bronze hair that I have been craving for the last couple of months._  
_

_**I feel so untouched  
That I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**_

'They're back' my mind shouts at me, but instead I become a bit bolder and turn to Mina when I sing the next words.

_**Untouched**_**  
And I need you so much**

**See you, breathe you, I want to be you  
**_**Alalalala alalalala  
**_**You can take **_**take take take take time time**_**  
To **_**live live**_** the way you **_**gotta gotta live your life**_

Mina understands where I want to take the song, so we sing to each other now and the people go crazy. I smirk, knowing that the Cullens are probably confused and maybe scared shitless right now.

**  
Give me give me give me all of **_**you you  
**_**Don't be scared  
I'll see you through the loneliness of one **_**more more more**_**  
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right  
'Cause in the end it's **_**only you and me and no one else is gonna be around  
To answer all the questions left behind  
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today  
**_**You've still got me to hold you up **_up_**  
And I will never let you down **_(down)_

I point down and drag my body to the floor sensually.**  
**  
_**I feel so untouched **_

Every time we sing the words untouched, Mina and I would bite our lips or sink to the floor with a booty drop and pop out our backs coming back up. We threw around a bunch of move that oozed sex and made every pair of eyes in the room look towards us.

_**  
That I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**_

I took a step forward, careful to only look into the pair of topaz orbs that I so desperately missed, and I took my finger from in between my teeth and dragged it down the center of my body until it hit the inside of my thigh. His eyes opened wider and I smirked telling myself that he should see what he missed out on.

_Untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched_  
**Alalalala alalalala**  
_Untouched_  
**Alalalala alalalala**

With each word I sang, I looked directly at Edward, hoping that he would detect the meaning behind my words. But when I looked into his eyes, they were showing emotions that surprised me; lust, anger, confusion, and something else I couldn't understand._**I feel so untouched  
That I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**__feel so untouched  
__**That I**__ want you so much  
__**That I**__ just can't resist you  
__**It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I **__feel so untouched __**right now**__  
Need you so much __**somehow**__  
__**I **__can't forget you  
__**I've gone crazy from the moment I met you  
**_

I

_Untouched, _**untouched, **_untouched_

The people roared when we finished our song. I storm off of stage quickly and scurry to get my belongings together. I'm positive Mina sees me make a mad dash for the car, so I don't feel guilty about leaving her.

I sit on top of the hood of the car facing the street and take out a cigarette. I feel the rush as the smoke fills my lungs and clouds my brain; nothing like feeding an addiction to distract one from their problems. Sighing, I take another drag. _Mina would probably come out in a few minutes_ I say to myself. She texts me a second later saying she'll be out in fifteen.

Right when I look up from my cell, I find five very angry looking vampires staring at me.

"Bella! We really missed you…" I interrupted Alice before she could say anything that could do some damage. "Fuck off, Pixie."

"Bella…"she cries with a pained look in her eyes. I could see it was killing her not being able to talk to me. But that's what you get when you take away a person's everything. With that comment, Rosalie looks at me with a cold, hard glare. "God Bella, you don't need to be so rude all the time." I hear blondie say to me.

"And you don't need to be such a bitch Rosalie." I retort venomously. All of them look at me in surprise, "What?" I question. I was proud of myself for keeping up my anger towards them, even though I could slowly feel my resolve weaken.

"Bella." Edward barely whispers. I look clearly at Edward for the first time since he left. His features aren't nearly as joyful as I remember, they're somehow overshadowed by disbelief; yet he still manages to look like a Greek God. For the second time that night, I look into his eyes. The same emotions run through them except now they seem apologetic. I snort and look away.

"What exactly is so funny Swan?" blondie says to me; she's apparently the only one who has the guts to stand up to me.

"Well, for starters, all of you showing up tonight. Secondly, the balls that you all must have to actually come up and talk to me. I could easily think this was all a hallucination when I wake up tomorrow. So I'm giving you the opportunity to escape now."

"Bella, we love you and we aren't leaving you. But there's something else you are hiding from us." I turn to glare at Jasper. His bullshit comment made me mad. They don't love me they _used_ me.

"Yeah there is, but I have no intention on telling you." I spat at him. Damn him and his ability to read emotions.

"Bella, please, you owe us at least an explanation of why you are here." This time Alice speaks. She looked sad, truly miserable, sort of like someone just ran over her puppy. I laugh at her statement.

"I owe you nothing."

**AN****- Aren't I horrible leaving you with that cliffhanger. Just to clear things up, Bella is pissed off at the Cullens but she knows she would take them back in a heartbeat. However, I sort of hate the stories where they just jump into each others' arms like everything is alright. So I'm going to drag this out as long as possible. The song was Untouched by The Veronicas. Hope you liked it! Check out the clothes Mina and Bella wore to the club on my profile.**


	6. First Day of School

Chapter 6- First Day of School

I turned on my heels to make my escape. "Oh no you don't, I want to have a word with you Bella." Alice says fiercely while harshly grabbing my wrist. I wince at the pain from her pressing on my most recent cut. The cut itself was hidden behind my bangles and a layer of cover-up, but Alice still notices.

"Oh, Bella…"Alice trails off, her voice laced with pity. In the moonlight I can see the how genuinely sorry she feels. Only I close my eyes and pull my arm from her grip. I feel the throbbing beneath my skin, the pulse of my blood rushing underneath my fingers.

"I'm sorry Alice, but I have to go." I respond ashamed. I hated disappointing her, but I also hated being pitied. It doesn't matter how much concern was involved, I absolutely loathed people feeling sorry for me. So I whistle for a cab, not bothering to look back at all. Not a single person tries to stop me from leaving as I enter the car either. _Just as I thought, no one wants me._

…

I arrive home before Mina and I send her a text letting her know I'm fine and that she should enjoy herself. I make my way up the stairs to the bathroom and get out the razor that I brought from home. My eyes are closed as the blade dances its way across my thighs. I figure that if Alice can notice the marks on my wrist, it'll be best to divert where I cut for now.

The initial tingle passes as the blood flows freely. I push the razor deeper into my skin, hoping to draw more blood this away. My thought process slows down, warning me that it's time to stop. But I don't listen; instead I begin again, slashing at the opposite leg with just as much fervor. When the world begins to blur and I feel my eyes droop, only then do I stop.

I walk over to the tub and fill it with scalding hot water. Swishing my hand in the water, I decide it time to get in. I feel the stinging as I carefully descend into the water. The contact with the water had me shaking violently. My brain somehow connects this as a side effect from the stuff I took earlier. _ I wonder if the Cullens could smell the drugs in my system._

"Oh. My. God." I say aloud when I realize what I actually did tonight. _I fucking stood up to the Cullens! Way to go me!_ I love every single last one of them, but I'll be damned before I make myself that vulnerable again. One thing I knew very well was that making someone your everything, gave them the opportunity to strip you of everything. Edward was my soul, my heart, and my life. When he left, he took away my reason for being. You know what I find hilarious though; the fact that I was in contact with the Cullens, who were apparently very willing to apologize, and Edward had said only one word to me the entire time.

"Bella I'm hoommmmee!" Mina slurs as she walks through the front door. It was then I noticed that the water had gone cold. I consider that it would best if I actually catch some zzzs tonight, considering we have school and all tomorrow. So I throw on a Victoria's Secret nightie and make my way to bed.

Lying still, I ponder whether or not I should tell Mina the truth about the Cullens (not that they're vampires, just my relations with them). As far as she knows, I had only dated a jerk that left me. When we met, she knew I was broken but didn't question anything. I guess she figured I would tell her on my own time.

…

_Wish I could shut my playboy mouth- oh, oh, oh, oh_

_How'd I turn my shirt inside out- inside out right_

_Control your poison babe- roses have thorns they say_

My hand flies to the snooze button on the alarm. _6:00 am_. School starts today. "Ugh," I lazily drag myself across the hall to wake Mina up. She would be so pissed if I didn't give her at least an hour to get ready. So when I woke her, it wasn't totally unexpected when she started throwing a tantrum about only having an hour to get ready.

Once finished with the basic steps in getting ready (brushing teeth, applying make-up, etc.), I change into a deep V orange top. I pair those with cut-off jeans that end right above my knees and a taupe bag and sling-back pumps. Mina and I would probably end up being the only girls who wear high-heeled shoes to school. I quickly grab my flask and hide half a dozen pills in my purse and I'm off to meet Mina by the car.

I jog outside and am confused at Mina's clothing. She was so… frumpy compared to what she usually dresses like. The whole ensemble is brown and black. The closest thing to color was the touch of gold on her bracelet and earrings. She answers my unspoken question with a comment.

"Bella, we need to find a dealer and we need to find them quick." She spoke briskly. Translation: _I'm so fucked up that if I don't get high within the next 24 hours, I'll kill somebody._ Those were the only words exchanged the entire ride to school.

Upon entering first period, I began to feel as if I were being watched. The teacher, a sixty-three year old woman named Ms. Robinson, made me introduce myself in front of the class and I couldn't have been happier to get the chance to scope out the class.

"My name is Bella Swan; I'm on a transfer program and I'll be leaving in about a month." I scan the room quickly and my eyes lock on a spiky haired beauty that just looks back gently and smiles. _Hence the feeling of being watched,_ I think to myself. I grimace and make my way back to my desk, suddenly glad to have brought the ephedrine with me to school.

The bell rings and I make a bee line for the door, but of course Alice manages to get there before me.

"Bella please, can we just talk? I miss you, I miss my best friend. Just please." She looks at me with such desperation in her eyes that I can't say no. "Meet me outside during lunch, come alone." She shakes her head fervently and gets this great, big, Cheshire cat looking grin on her face.

The rest of the classes before lunch go by quickly. Mina is in all of those classes with me, so school isn't such a drag. I look over my schedule while heading outside to meet Alice. "Damn it!" I mutter as I walk through the front door.

"What?" a tinkling voice asks. "Alice, you came!" I said, truly surprised.

"Of course silly Bella. Did you seriously think I wouldn't be here?" I gave her a sad smile. I honestly didn't believe she would be _allowed_ to see me. "Are you planning on answering my initial question?" Alice reminds me.

"Um… I have biology next period." Was the only suitable response I could come up with. I didn't see any point in lying to her, but I wasn't ready to tell her how I felt yet. Her mouth forms this 'O' as she finally understands.

"Edward has that class with you next, if that's what you're wondering. But I don't understand something Bella. Why are you worried about him when you were clearly mocking him yesterday at the club?" she muses aloud.

"Alice, alcohol and drugs can sort of make people do things without thinking very clearly." I reply snidely. I see the shock register on her face as I realize that she didn't know that I did those things.

"So how long have you been participating in these… activities?" Alice asks me with a sour expression. I struggle to find the strength to tell her. People usually react badly when someone tells them that they were the reason for them doing drugs. "How long?" Alice demanded.

"A while after you and your family left." I once again respond ashamed. I wasn't ashamed that I had resorted to drugs, but the fact that the Cullens had had so much power over me. One of the things I had hated about myself back then was my vulnerability.

"I'm so sorry Bella. Edward had forbidden me from looking into your future. If I had known this would have happened I would have never had let Edward drag us all away from you." Alice cried.

"What do you mean drag you away for me?" I practically shout at her. My god, if Edward is the reason why all of the Cullens left, I will kill him with my bare hands!

"Err… Edward thought it would be best for your safety if we all left. Didn't he tell you that?" an unusually puzzled Alice questioned. She paused to think and asked nervously, "What exactly did my brother say to you the night we left?"

I look at her with pure hatred in my eyes as I recall what happened, "He took me into the woods to say that he didn't want me and that I wasn't enough. He practically revealed how he just used me as a distraction and didn't need me anymore." My demeanor changed to one that showed how much their departure had devastated me. I turned to face her, anguish clearly visible in my eyes, and barely whispered, "He told me he didn't love me anymore."

The small pixie suddenly started trembling with rage, "Bella, I can swear to you that I had no idea that he did that. Gah! I could seriously kill him right now. But all I can say is that _I_ still love you and _I_ still miss you." She stuck out her bottom lip and gave me the infamous puppy dog eyes. I let out a small chuckle at her ridiculousness.

"Alice, I can't say I believe you, but I can tell you that I'm willing to play nice. If only for now…" I silently remind both of us that I'll be leaving in a month. "Oh, could you please keep this conversation to yourself. I don't want a pity parade from your family. Also, hide your thoughts from Edward and I guess I'll see you tomorrow during lunch." I say to Alice as I walk back to face biology with the man who had destroyed my life.


	7. Gone

**An****- The song in the last chapter was Just Dance by Lady Gaga. So how do you feel about Bella being on civil terms with Alice? Review and tell me what you think!**

Chapter 7- Gone

I walk slowly to class, debating whether or not to just skip it entirely. _No, it's my first day and I don't want that reputation here. I just can't chicken out, not with so much of my pride on the line. _I mentally prepare myself for the danger that lay ahead.

Instead of going straight to the classroom, I take a detour towards the girls' restroom. I nestled myself inside one of the cramped stalls and took out my shiny, black flask. The gleaming bottle seemed to mock me. 'Can't you handle seeing him? Can't you take a risk and _feel _for once?' it taunted. My response to the hallucination was to crack open the flask and chug the contents. My God, do I plan on making Edward Cullen's life living hell.

In my haste to escape reality, I had forgotten to get to class. So when the bell rang, I was in a rush to make it to Mr. Taylor's class. "I apologize for being late. I couldn't find my way around. I'm the new the new student Isabella Swan." I excused myself as the teacher looked me over. Apparently, Mr. Taylor had looked me over one too many times when I heard a low growl being emitted from the back of the room. I tried my damndest to ignore the sound, but I found my head turning to face my once very own Adonis.

"Very well," the thirty-something year old man spoke, "would you mind taking a seat in the back of the room by Mr. Cullen." It was as if my first day at Forks High was repeating itself. I nodded silently, hoping no one would notice the scowl that was presented on my face. I strutted with false confidence to my table. The gorgeous bronze haired boy next to me inclined his seat towards mine. I retracted myself away from his presence and turned my back to him. _ Real mature_, I mentally scolded myself.

"Today we will start our partner projects on molecular biology. Make sure the poster includes details on nucleic acids, genetics of prokaryotes, genetics of eukaryotes, and recombinant DNA. All projects are due Thursday and any late work will not be counted. This is the last month of school before the holiday break, don't bail on me now." The professor explained the assignment and left the room abruptly. I took out my phone and started texting Mina, though Edward had a different plan in mind.

"Bella, please talk to me." He practically begged, making sure to breathe directly in my face. I inhaled, treasuring the seconds I allowed myself this bliss, and then made a point to cough really loudly.

"God your breath is so rank. What the fuck did you hunt this morning?" His eyes widened at my comment and I did a little victory dance inside. He thought my language surprising; wait till he sees what I have in store for him. I heard him clear his throat, but I interrupted before he had the chance to say anything, "I think we should start on the project now if you don't mind. Unless… you are willing to allow me to complete the project and then you can write your name on it. This way, the project calls for much less interaction and contact between me and you. I know how much of a _distraction_ I can be." I spat at him, venomously.

I let a wide, smug grin show itself as he flinched. I was going to make another smart ass comment when he suddenly whispered, "I'm so sorry Bella." The simplest of words and I was left dumbfounded. I should have known that he would say something like this, only I couldn't find my voice. When I realized that everything that has happened so far has happened because of him, I finally found the strength to grunt out, "I don't accept."

It was then his turn to look shocked as I made my way out of the classroom. I didn't care that he was probably following me. I didn't care that I still had the rest of the school day to attend to. All I fucking wanted was the little white pills that lay inside my purse. So I break into a sprint and make for Mina's car.

Jogging through the hallways with people staring at me everywhere I turned, I slammed through the front doors of the school. My hand clutched at my chest desperately, trying to hold the pieces together. My breaths were coming in quickly and I could feel my throat constrict. Panic rose in me and I held back the tears. There was no way I could go back; it was just too painful. So I did the only thing I knew how to do, I hid.

Inside the confined car, I felt wretched. I grabbed three pills, put them in my mouth and washed it down with the water next to me. My hand fell limply at my side and I leaned back as I let the rush lead me someplace far from here. It was there that I didn't worry about Edward. It was there that I felt at peace with my demons, so thoroughly detached from the rest of the world. And so I flew, my reckless abandon allowing me to welcome the high with open arms.

And then I was gone. I was so completely gone I didn't feel the cold hands rescue me from inside my safe haven. In fact, I didn't even grasp the concept as I was laid in the back of a car and driven to someplace unknown and foreign to me. But one thing I did understand was that I didn't care as long as I would be given another chance at this wonderful sanctuary where I was indeed completely withdrawn into myself.

**AN****- I know it's short, but I have school and a very active life. Hope you enjoyed this little itty bitty chapter.**


	8. Carpe Diem

Chapter 8-

I woke up groaning from the intense throbbing in my head. My hands made their way to hit the alarm clock until I realized there was no alarm clock. Cautiously, I rose up to check my surroundings. To be completely honest, I had no idea what had happened or where I was. So I go through a mental check list: where am I, is anyone next to me, and do I look alright? I don't normally go around fucking random strangers, but it never hurts to make sure.

I began to make sense of where I am when a short, spiky haired pixie suddenly made her appearance next to me. "Bella, are you feeling okay? I know you took a lot and …" she never finished because a very frustrated looking, bronze haired man made himself present by the small woman.

"Edward! Oh, Bella I promise he was just about to leave. Unless you want him to stick around…?" Alice asked, biting her bottom lip cautiously.

I remained still and quiet, knowing I couldn't trust my mouth to say the words. I love him; always have and always will. I know that if I speak, I would probably end up blurting out 'no' or 'don't ever leave me.' My heart wants him, will always want him; but I don't, for the sake of my sanity, I can't. Alice assessed my behavior and started speaking to Edward, although I didn't hear a single word.

I could make out the occasional 'Bella' or 'get out' being said, yet Edward didn't budge. He was whispering profusely, growing angrier by the second. When five minutes had passed, I took it upon myself to handle the situation.

I stood up and went to the bathroom. I didn't even bother to see their reactions because I was too busy trying to get the room to stop spinning. I grabbed a hold of the wall and stumbled my way across the room. No one said anything and no one tried to stop me. I sighed heavily, realizing that maybe my fears had been right.

I stared at my reflection for what seemed like an eternity. Truthfully, I looked a mess. My make-up from the previous day was all smudged and there was a rat's nest where my hair used to be. And yet, behind the make-up you could tell that my skin was very pale and had that stretched appearance to it.

"Ughhh." I groaned, resting my hand against my forehead as a desperate attempt to stop the insistent pounding. Looking down, I realized I was still in my school clothes. Might as well take a shower. I turned on the water, setting the temperature to scalding hot. I stripped and got in. The water felt oh so nice, relaxing my muscles and comforting me. I leaned back against the tiles and let the five shower jets work their magic. When the water began to run cold, I decided I should get out.

"Damn," I had forgotten to get an extra set of clothes, "Alice!" I called to, apparently, my best friend. She barged in mere seconds later with some gym clothes in tiny hands.

"Thank you." my tone was brisk and short; though I didn't mean to sound harsh towards her, I needed to think some things over. For example, once I moved back, would I keep in contact with Alice? Would Edward even want me anymore now that I'm damaged goods? Would I want _him_ back if he tried to get together again? Or should I just leave right now, not turn back, and live the rest of my life a miserable existence?

No.

I won't take him back. I will not let the cold hearted bastard break what little is left of my heart. I'm not willing to be another distraction to him. I deserve better.

As to the Cullen family? Well, I guess I'll have to see how that plays out.

So I was left alone in the bathroom. Alice had left me some simple sports clothes, probably foreseeing that I was about to go for a run. I threw on the green yoga pants and white tank and put on my Nikes. I was about to leave the bathroom, but then I remembered my locket. The simple platinum locket was the very first present I ever received from Mina. I kept it filled with a single Ambien for whenever I needed it. I don't usually take the pills I sell, but somehow I had a feeling I might want it today.

I walked out of the large bathroom into a very mellow room, which I am guessing to be the guestroom. The walls were neutral beige with accents of blues and caramel spread around the room. It was very sophisticated and had a single painting by the bed; a picture of a girl taking a stroll by a lake, holding a canteen and wearing simplistic clothing, perfectly content. I peered closely at the painting. There was a very Victorian feel to it and the girl had a dreamy look to her features, as if she knew she was safe. Utterly alone in the woods, but safe and content. I guess some people have all the luck. Is it irrational to be jealous of a painting?

…

I ran for a good while, straight into the surrounding woods and not once glancing behind me. The tall pines grew proud around me. The sun was quickly setting, leaving a small stream of light shining down through the thickness of the forest. I've always hated running. But now? It feels so good. The ache in your legs from working your muscles. The light-headedness of when you finally slow down and stop and the world is still spinning. It's one of my favorite highs. The only high I don't feel guilty about indulging in.

I stopped long enough to catch a breath. The trees were overwhelming in a way. The whole setting was so perfect. Something I will never be able to achieve. I doubt I'll ever be able to repent for my sins. I was just so weak when he left that I turned to this life. It was a conscious decision to fuck up my life this way. It was _my_ decision. A decision I fully intend on keeping till the day I die.


End file.
